family are a funny bunch, you live with them for years and years and yet somehow they can seem alien at times. you don't know them and they don't know you.
it's always the same with relationships as well. you can watch a couple for as long as you like, but you can never possibly understand the inner workings of the thing they call love unless you are in it yourself and then when you are in your own little family unit all you can do is see out at how much happier everyone else seems. the grass is always greener. to appreciate what we have at any given moment is history; it doesn't go with our lifestyles. soul searching has become our middle name. what a contradiction in terms! this blog is just another extension of our confession obsessed lives. and i love it. am immersed in it. and am suffocating in it.
Friday 27 February 2009
Monday 16 February 2009
am burning up (it gives off a strange heat) sitting in front of the computer thinking i am looking for a job when in reality i am looking at facebook, hotmail, twitter and this blog. how easy it has become to waste huge amounts of time doing 'stuff' on the internet and on sites that really aren't of much use . i have now convinced myself that it wasn't my fault i did not do all the things today that i told myself this morning i would do, i have simply been too busy. there was no time to learn french, start knitting an orange dress with big blue buttons, play the piano, look for jobs abroad or finish my book. today has been non stop. what have i done? i have replied to fourteen inbox messages on facebook, had four long phone calls to friends (albeit very pleasant, they did not help in the completion of my tasks), watched hollyoaks (this is as bad as it gets, and i am ashamed to admit to it) and eaten food (at no point when eating the food was i actually hungry to start with, i just did it to fill a void, but an emotional one not a physical one). even now, i am fighting with various family members to stay on the computer under the guise that i REALLY need it, and the things i am doing are SO IMPORTANT, and that i have to look for a job NOW... but i'm still not. i have persuaded myself, even though previously i would have scoffed at the thought, that twitter, fb (facebook), and this blogger thing are essential and necessary parts of my modern life. but i'm not so sure. today they have existed in my life as nothing other than one big distraction from actually living my life. i have spoken to my friend suse on the phone, on twitter and on fb today. i think i will send her an email just to check the rest of her day is going well.
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